Moving day - again
Nicole McMullin
February 28, 2008 3:27 PM
If you know me or have read my blog it will come to no surprise that this blog has moved to a new address. It’s just me way these days. I promise that I will be as witty and confused as ever, I’ll just be doing it on this domain from now on.
We’ve also added another blogger, Becky Suder, to the mix whose a great writer and excellent mom.
If you have http://parenting.mytimesdispatch.com/ saved as a bookmark or are aggregating the RSS feed, please update to the new blog and continue commenting on my life as a new momma.
NEW URL
http://www.parenting.myinrich.com
NEW RSS
http://www.myinrich.com/index.php/parenting/newmomma-rss_2.0/
Thanks for visiting my new place!
Bathing in first foods
Nicole McMullin
February 20, 2008 8:14 PM
I’ve eaten really good chocolate cake and thought to myself, “This is so good I would like to swim in it.” But I have never thought that way of applesauce or green peas.
But bathe in applesauce and peas I have since I’ve started feeding Sophia her first foods.
I admit it’s been fun. I’ve pretty much let her explore the new foods and process of eating regardless of the mess. She grabs the spoon and pulls it to her face, getting the food all over her. She aims for her mouth, but the coordination is not there yet. Sometimes she hits her mark and seems to love the new flavors.
After our first meal with applesauce I made a mental note to always change clothes before feeding the baby her dinner. And while I could also consider a hat to keep it out of my hair and an adult bib to keep my clothes clean, there’s an amount of bonding that takes place when you’re both covered in food.
Dinner time is now followed by a bath for Sophia, though. By the time I try to wipe her down from head to toe I may as well put her in the tub.
Sophie’s active participation is limited to applesauce and green peas for the moment. I cannot seem to get her as excited about rice cereal. It seems to inspire the opposite response.
In the coming weeks we plan to try carrots, bananas and sweet potatoes, and I will still push the rice cereal although she’s already protested. I found a good guide online and plan to follow-up with my pediatrician as well.
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I have a new Valentine
Nicole McMullin
February 14, 2008 7:46 PM
After 11 years of celebrating Valentine’s Day with the same man, I am happy to report that I have a new love - my daughter.
I know it’s not a surprise and no one is shocked. All mothers love their children. But what excites me is how much my love for her grows each day.
As previously mentioned, I may not be a “baby person.” I have struggled with bonding and caretaking. I’m an only child and a bit of a loner and it’s been challenging for me to find my footing in my new role as a parent.
But things are changing for the better.
I’ve learned a lot and grown as a person in the past six months. I’ve gone from being unsure of what to do when I am at home alone with the baby to feeling like I am missing a limb when I am home alone without the baby.
And she has grown into a wonderful little girl. Her personality is blossoming and each day she develops a more unique presence. She looks like Sophia now, not just like all of the rest of the baby girls.
She is still a baby and needs complete care, but she is increasingly independent as well. She knows what she wants - whether it’s her command center or her mommy - and doesn’t just settle for what we give her, which is often the command center (which she does love, by the way).
As for my husband, I don’t think he minds sharing the holiday with someone else. She is his new Valentine as well. Our first Valentine’s Day as a couple was a disaster, but our time together as a family this evening has been romantic and sweet.
And unlike me, Sophia is a cheap date. She wasn’t hoping for roses.
Infant formula in my coffee
Nicole McMullin
February 07, 2008 10:44 AM
I poured baby formula in my coffee this morning. It was bound to happen at some point. In fact, I am surprised it took this long.
It’s a simple mistake - one weary-eyed mama stands in front of the refrigerator in her pajamas thinking only of drinking a hot cup of creamy coffee.
She reaches for the milk, but her brain fumbles and forgets that infant formula is not milk.
She pours a healthy amount of formula into her cup of coffee and pauses - something’s not right. The creamy half & half is not swimming in the dark coffee creating the ideal caramel-colored cup of Joe. No, it’s baby formula, not half & half, and it appears to have sunk to the bottom of the cup.
Still weary-eyed and just wanting to drink it up, I considered drinking the formula-filled coffee - I could use a little extra iron, DHA and ARA as well. I decided against it; I am willing to waste one cup of coffee down the drain in the hopes that the next cup will be just right.
And for the future, I may have to rethink the arrangement of items in my refrigerator.
Baby politicos
Nicole McMullin
February 04, 2008 1:49 PM
I washed Sophia’s Guns ‘n’ Roses onesie last week and wondered, “How silly is it that I am making my infant wear T-shirts promoting a band I like.”
I bought the Guns ‘n’ Roses onesie while I was pregnant, screen printed with the Appetite for Destruction album cover, and was excited for her to grow up and wear it with jeans. Inspired by celebrity baby Maddox, I thought Sophie would look kind of cute.
Of course, she may grow up to hate everything that I like and look back on the cute photos with disgust. But it’s a band and we all have different taste in music, so I’ll deal with it when the day comes.
But while I am willing to dress her up in a rock ‘n’ roll T-shirt so that she can promote a band to the other babies, I’m not ready to leap forward to political statements.
(Sure, music can be a political statement, but I’m not talking about Jello Biafra baby clothes.)
Some parents are making political statements on the playground, though, according to an article on CNN.com, “Kids turned into political billboards.”
““Party-training,“ it seems, can’t start early enough. Baby onesies, bibs and T-shirts with the Democratic donkey and the Republican elephant are proliferating as the presidential race accelerates,” according to the article.
“Moms and dads who buy the merchandise say it’s harmless fun that reinforces the family’s core beliefs.”
That’s all well and good, but I’m just not ready to put my kid out to stump.
It could be argued that a T-shirt emblazed with “Pint-size Republican,” or “Demi Democrat,” is not the only way to make a political statement. My daughter’s new pink Converse All Stars (baby size 3) and Dickies jacket (also pink) probably say as much about her parents and our lifestyle as a McCain, Romney, Obama or Clinton T-shirt.
She’s advertising those brands, which in turn advertise a lifestyle. So maybe it’s more of a social, and not political, statement.
In the CNN.com article, Joan Ingber, a therapist who specializes in children’s issues at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in Manhattan, writes (in regards to political statements on children’s clothes,) “It seems cute and benign. However, the more I think about it, the more it fails to pass my cringe test. It seems that we’re bombarded enough by constant advertising, so why should children become the canvas for any ad? ... Do we really want to see kids in this role?“
Besides Axl and Slash, Sophia also has Sublime and Clash onesies. I’m not taking them back, but perhaps I should balance her wardrobe and social statements with Celine Dion and Hootie and the Blowfish. I need a few more years to digest Mylie Cyrus or Hannah Montana - or whatever the kids call her these days.
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Will my child be privileged?
Nicole McMullin
February 03, 2008 12:40 AM
While reading a friend’s online journal Saturday morning I came across the Privilege Meme.
The Privilege Meme, and the Take a Step Forward exercise, was developed at Indiana State University to explore class and targeted at college students in the United States and recent college graduates, explains Will Barratt, a professor at Indiana State University and one of the developers of the meme, on the college’s Web site.
“We designed a small group experience on privilege as a way to explore class, creating a list of items grounded in the published research literature and in our interviews as markers of privilege. Our assumption was that that privilege is one way to explore class,” he explains on Indiana State University’s Web site.
For the in-class exercise, students stand in a line and respond to a series of questions (posted below). Students take a step forward each time they answer yes. In the end, students are standing in different places in the room illustrating levels of privilege.
I find this interesting and somewhat scary. Should I add memes such as this to my personal (internal) parenting guide?
I can answer “yes” to 22 of 34 questions. So if I want my daughter to achieve more than I, should I make sure she can answer yes all 34 – at least?
These things go around the Internet all of the time. This one is a little different because it was developed in an academic setting, not just by someone writing questions for a favorite drink quiz (although I answer those, too). And while one classroom exercise or meme does not a parenting/lifestyle/career guide make, I agree with my friend, on whose journal I found the Privilege Meme; these questions are quite good.
My friend posted her responses in her online journal and received some interesting comments. One thread was particularly engaging as she and another friend discussed the idea that answering these questions in a classroom setting could be embarrassing for someone who doesn’t have as many opportunities to step forward.
Their discussion centered around the difference in life experience and opportunity, in this case measured as things someone is privileged to have instead of things they earned. The discussion thread just stopped – kind of like they agreed to disagree – so I wonder if this came up the next time they met in person.
As a parent, I want it all for my child. I want to open as many doors for her as possible while instilling in her the drive and ability to open them on her own. The Privilege Meme tells me that enriching myself is as important as encouraging my child. And activities together, from simply reading to planning a trip, are important. Maybe not a guide, but interesting insight into what personal and family experiences are considered to be privileged.
For instance – notice that there are two questions about number of books in a home, and not the number of televisions (there is one question about the location of a television). Seems like the meme is hinting that access to (cheap) books ranks higher on a scale of privilege than access to (expensive) big HD TVs. (To be clear, there is an updated version on the school’s Web site that would apply to students today that includes a question about computers in the home as well).
My answers are below. The questions I answered “yes” to are bold. Post your answers as well and let’s discuss.
This meme was developed by Minnette Huck, Meagan Cahill, Stacy Ploskonka, Drew Lurker, Angie Carlen and Will Barratt. The developers hold the copyright and ask participants in this blog game to acknowledge their copyright.
1. Father went to college.
2. Father finished college.
3. Mother went to college.
4. Mother finished college.
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children’s books by a parent.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18.
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.
16. Went to a private high school.
17. Went to summer camp.
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels.
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
25. You had your own room as a child.
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school.
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.
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A letter to Britney Spears: I’m hoping for better headlines
Nicole McMullin
January 31, 2008 8:09 PM
Britney,
I hope you are doing well and getting some much-needed rest. You’ve been on my mind lately. Not only because your photo is on the front of so many magazines and your story the topic of so much news, but because I am a mom as well and sometimes not sure how to balance all that’s required.
You and I have never met and being moms and women might be all that we have in common. You’re a pop star, I’m a journalist. You’re wealthy, I’m a journalist. You’re 26, I’m 32. You look amazing after having two kids, and I didn’t look that great before having the first child.
But the differences aside, the common bonds of womanhood and parenthood are strong. When all else fails, we women know that any other woman in the room gets it - the frustration, the challenges, the uncertainty. And although my child is only 5 months old, I already feel that bond with other mothers as well.
Women are expected to play multiple roles in society today and those roles don’t always complement each other.
The qualities that make women successful and strong may not be the same qualities that make them good wives, mothers, daughters, friends or sisters. In fact, those qualities can compete.
I have a hard time shifting from professional journalist to playful giggling mom once the work day is complete; and from baby-focused mom to hubby-focused wife once my daughter is asleep. And while I love my mother with all of my heart, being a mom hasn’t made me a better daughter either. In fact, there have been a couple of times I’ve wondered how I was even raised!
Some days it’s like my head might explode. And then I remember that it could be the hormones. No one told me how bad the hormone imbalance would be! Seriously, I’ve spent my fair share of days hiding in my house wearing sweat pants periodically crying for no reason. Or perhaps I cry for every reason. I really can’t be sure.
So when I read about your trips to the hospital and all that’s going on with your life, my heart goes out to you and I wish you the best. I can only imagine how hard it must be to have a camera pointed at your face when you’re trying to deal with such complex personal, career and family issues.
All the benefits of wealth and fame aside, your life cannot be easy.
I remember when your first album and Rolling Stone cover came out in 1998 - 1999 and the conversations I had with my friends about the immediate controversy that surrounded your career. I had previously worked in a record store, so my record store friends and I regularly compared artists and theorized what their future might hold.
I had your back in those initial conversations. I said that there is more to you, and any woman for that matter, than one magazine cover can capture. Than one interview can disclose. Than one album can tell.
I said that women who are confident with who they are, especially when they’re not afraid to be sexy or aggressive, are either loved or hated - and sometimes both. I theorized that you would have a long career with its fair share of ups and downs, but that you would endure.
So endure. Deal. Look to the women in your life and channel their feminine energy. It may be unsaid, but they get it. While you’re at it, take stock of the people in your life. Be strong and smart and decide who deserves your time and attention.
There are two people who do - your children - so be strong and make the necessary sacrifices for them, if not for yourself. I know you have it in you and have faith that you will pull through this phase in your life.
You’ve endured hours of exhaustive dance practice, touring, child birth and a few bad hair days (sorry, Brit, but it’s true) and you can get though this as well.
You don’t have to be a pop star if you don’t want to. You don’t have to be blonde, or thin or successful either.
But you do have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your sons. You’re a young mother, but I believe that you’re a smart mother and look forward to hearing good news from your camp. And don’t worry; I’ll know what’s going on on your end. I’m sure your story will continue to meet me at the market, on the television and on my home page - for your sake I’m hoping for better headlines.
Sleep: Not all it’s cracked up to be
Nicole McMullin
January 28, 2008 1:17 PM
For as tough as it is to take care of an infant, it’s even harder to spend time away. Late-night and early-morning feedings may result in lost sleep and under-eye bags, but waking up to an empty cradle leaves a void that’s impossible to fill.
I have become addicted to receiving a smile from my daughter first thing in the morning. I get excited each time Sophia greets me with bright eyes and a big grin. It’s the only way to start the day - even when it follows a late or restless night.
Last night was the third time I spent the night away from our baby girl. On each occasion she has been with her grandparents, so I know she is in good hands, but that’s little relief when I instinctively listen for her to cry and check on her cradle only to remember that she’s not at home.
Instead of breathing a sigh of relief and going back to bed for a few more minutes when I woke up home alone this morning - no bottle to fill, no diaper to change, no grump to manage - I felt like there was something missing - a valuable part of my day and life at home.
That’s the rub of parenthood. Things that would have been wonderful before the baby arrived don’t always have the same value. Exhaustion is tolerable because of why you’re exhausted. The price to pay for uninterrupted sleep is accounted for in missed smiles, hugs and coos.
For sleep-deprived parents, a peaceful night and morning alone sound great. But add the emotional response of being without the child you’ve become accustom to caring for and time alone becomes a burden.
Sure, the first few hours are great, but then you just want the baby back.
Listening to Mojo Mom Podcast
Nicole McMullin
January 24, 2008 10:53 AM
I’ve spent the past few days listening to the back log of Podcasts that I have downloaded over the past few months. I just listened to my second Mojo Mom Podcast from Amy Tiemann, author of Mojo Mom. Her Web site describes the Podcast as a “lifeline to the outside world.“
After listening to a couple of episodes I would take it a step further and describe the topics as lifelines for mothers who are navigating the workplace and society today. Feminism and motherhood as they relate to women’s roles at home, at work and with other women are the key themes.
Check it out.
Where can I get a graduate degree in toy assembly?
Nicole McMullin
January 17, 2008 12:48 AM
There is a manual for parenthood – but it’s for assembling the chairs, beds, car seats and toys of the day.
Installing the bases for Sophia’s car seat was nearly impossible. Even though we’re not planning to have another child any time soon, I may just leave the bases in our cars indefinitely - just in case. And although I have reviewed the directions, I still cannot get the back portion of the stroller to raise up and stay in place.
Assembling the crib (yes, the one that I am not yet using) was even more challenging. It has to be right – the gate must be installed and operating correctly (there were recalls last year) – but the directions were incorrect.
It took two adults with master’s degrees, a graduate student and a lowly journalist (that would be me) to get the crib together. Before it was complete the bed was turned on its side, upside down and around 180 degrees during our group attempt at assembly.
Luckily, plastic toys are made from plastic because they seem to only work when you pull, tug and push the pieces into place.
Today, my in-laws purchased Baby Girl an exerciser/walker to keep at their house. Grandpa, who has a track record of successfully following directions and completing tasks, could only comment that it took him a long time to put the new toy together, and that it would have been better if he were an engineer.
With that in mind, maybe I will pursue a graduate degree in childhood engineering with a specialty in assembling products under duress (like when it’s raining and the car seat base has come loose, or when the bouncy chair is the only foreseeable way to stop Sophia’s crying, but I have to figure out how to get new batteries in the seat).
I was considering pursuing a MFA in multimedia production, but my skill set has expanded and I really think I need to make use of my fine-tuned toy, car seat and bouncy chair assembly skills.
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