Our daughter: the perfect mix
Nicole McMullin
January 15, 2008 11:22 PM
A good amount of time is spent predicting how my 5 month old daughter will look when she grows up. Beautiful, gorgeous and perfect aside – we’re trying to figure out who she looks like.
The best answer is that she resembles my husband and I and has a good mix of both of our features. On certain days, from certain angles, she favors one of us more than the other. I observe her making facial expressions that remind me of my husband, and he notices expressions that mimic me.
While it doesn’t matter how she looks – ten toes and ten fingers are good enough – thinking about her heritage and wondering how she will grow is addictive.
Will she inevitably favor my husband who looks more like his father each day, and whose aunt could be his twin sister?
Will she fall in line with my mom and I who share so many expressions and mannerisms that it’s hard to notice that we actually do not look alike?
Sophia will be her own person for sure, but will she remind us of loved ones who touched our lives but are now gone?
I make jokes – I hope she inherits my brains and my mother-in-law’s legs – but I really do hope we have given her the best we have to offer. In my opinion, it breaks down like this:
From my husband - creativity, patience, kindness and height.
From me - intelligence, attitude, passion and grace.
I also hope Sophia can shop a sale rack as thoroughly as my mother and grandmother, and find the silver lining in every situation like my mother-in-law.
May she fry fish like her Great Grandmother Dot, have style like Great Grandma Mary and debate politics and analyze current affairs like her Great Aunt Sherry.
The men in our family have a lot to offer as well. I hope their genetic contribution affects Sophia’s height and ability to always have fun and be charming, but she can do without their facial hair.
RELATED My family tree on Ancestry.com
RELATED Family photos on Flickr
I do not have the proper work/life balance
Nicole McMullin
January 11, 2008 6:16 PM
I recognize that I do not have the proper work/life balance. And since I have been a professional longer than I have been a mom, I find that it’s my child who I am trying to make time for, and not the other way around.
Perhaps it’s my chosen career – you may have noticed that we’re living in a 24-hour news cycle. Perhaps it’s that I am the breadwinner in my household and unable to fantasize about days devoted to mom and baby play because I am hyper-focused on providing for my family.
Regardless, I have to work it out.
A Google search sent me to WorkLifeBalance.com, a Web site that proclaims to be the “leader in dual purpose learning.” They offer programs in leadership, work-life balance, stress management and time management.
Sounds great, but in my effort to achieve balance I’m not looking to invest more time in classes designed to teach me about time management and balance. I want, and need, a quick fix; the life wisdom equivalent of a double shot of espresso.
The lessons are appealing, though, after reading “Work-life balance defined - what it really means,” a note from the publisher Jim Bird.
According to Bird, “Achievement and enjoyment are the front and back of the coin of value in life. You can’t have one without the other, no more than you can have a coin with only one side. Trying to live a one sided life is why so many ‘successful’ people are not happy, or not nearly as happy as they should be.
“You cannot get the full value from life without both achievement and enjoyment. Focusing on achievement and enjoyment every day in life helps you avoid the ‘as soon as trap,‘ the life dulling habit of planning on getting around to the joys of life and accomplishment ‘as soon as….‘“
Sounds wise. Makes sense. Now I need to work on finding more opportunities for enjoyment each day.
I’m beginning this evening with a fresh cup of coffee and a trip to the grocery store with my daughter. I haven’t seen her all day and she seems to enjoy strolling through the market (I think it’s the bright lights and abundance of flashy packaging).
After the market I plan to make one more stop and get a lottery ticket for tonight. Because as soon as I win the lottery, I’ll no doubt be able to get this whole work/life balance thing figured out.
NEW MOMMA APPROVED - Lansinoh Clean & Condition Cloths
Nicole McMullin
January 10, 2008 7:26 AM
My daughter spent a few days in the hospital in October diagnosed with an urinary tract infection. She received antibiotics while there and needed an increased number of diaper changes each day. When we left the hospital her UTI was on the mend, but she had a nasty diaper rash after days of using hospital-grade wipes.
As soon as I could I ordered ten packages Lansinoh Clean & Condition Cloths and had them rush delivered. I had previously ordered one package of the wipes, made with breast-fed babies in mind (who also need many diaper changes every day), and thought that they would be gentle enough for our baby girl’s sore bottom.
The wipes were great and far less irritating than sensitive-skin wipes that still contain alcohol. Combined with Butt Paste, Sophia’s diaper rash cleared up quickly.
I have continued using Lansinoh wipes and am happy to see them popping up in stores as well as online. Since they are not irritating they are great to wipe off Sophia’s hands and face when we are out and they do not dry her skin.
I surrender to childhood
Nicole McMullin
January 08, 2008 2:04 AM
I surrender to the makers of plastic toys. The barons of all things child.
I give up any notion that my home will be sophisticated when Baby Girl is at home and at play.
I will embrace the primary colored tummy-time mat and spinning bouncy exerciser, bright green help-me-sit seat and small round yellow and red dog that barks and vibrates. I will carry the yellow safari-themed bouncy chair to the kitchen, the dressing room, the bedroom and anywhere Sophia wants to go, watch and play.
I may invest in window treatments, art, new linens and new furnishings. I may even spend a few weekends getting intimate with a wall roller and a gallon of paint. But I will not try to hide the toys in the living room, or put them up at the end of every day just to drag them back out in the morning.
I will instead learn the true meaning of a family room and make room for all of our belongings. It took my husband and I a few years to find domestic harmony when we moved in together and blended our belongings, so it will probably take a few years for us to get in tune with the kid stuff as well.
A bittersweet review
Nicole McMullin
January 04, 2008 7:48 AM
As 2007 came to a close I couldn’t help but think “Good riddance.” It was a stressful year, to say the least, and one that I am glad has wrapped. But we also welcomed a healthy baby girl into the world who has redefined our lives and family, so the year in review cannot be all that bad.
January 2007, like January 2008, was defined by moving boxes. My husband and I purchased our first home, a condominium, last December and started the new year in a new place surrounded by cardboard and sparse furnishings. About two weeks after making the big purchase we learned that I was pregnant and our one-bedroom condo wouldn’t be large enough for a family.
Needless to say there were some boxes we never unpacked.
My first ultrasound in January introduced us to Gummy, the name we gave our growing baby who at the time looked like a gummy bear with short limbs.
Through the spring I dealt with morning sickness that felt like I had just taken the worst boat ride of my life – every day – as well as a family illness that rocked my personal foundation.
The summer brought a new job, the stress of selling a condominium in the current real estate market and a growing body and to-do list. And at a time when most moms to be are setting up the nursery and readying their home to welcome baby, we were packing boxes and beginning to hunt for a new place to call home.
Truth be told, I still haven’t set up the nursery.
Sophia’s arrival put a temporary stop to workplace and moving stress as I took a few weeks just to be mommy. We soon got back on the housing horse, though, and finally found a new home, another condominium, in a new town and got ready to move.
The week we were to close on our new place Sophia was hospitalized with an urinary tract infection. She was released from the hospital the day before we signed our closing documents.
We moved in November 2007, but still have not moved in. We’re living in a larger home, three bedrooms this time, and are slowly unpacking and settling in.
My ten-week maternity leave ended with the blink of an eye and I returned to work a week after we moved.
We traveled to visit my family for Thanksgiving. My mom hosted us and a number of friends for a wonderful meal. That weekend we visited my great-great aunt and uncle and despite debilitating arthritis, Sophia’s great-great-great aunt held her and played like I am sure she did with me when I was just a baby.
My husband’s grandmother died the Saturday after Thanksgiving just prior to our visit with my aunt and uncle. Sophia’s first introduction to most of her relatives took place at the funeral home.
Our daughter’s first Christmas was sweet and peaceful. My mother stayed with us and helped make the holidays enjoyable by making sure we had some eats and sweets and breakfast on Christmas Day. We didn’t put up a Christmas tree because I cannot seem to find it, but we did plug in a small fiber-optic tree my in-laws picked up at a drug store a few years back. Who knew it would be baby’s first tree.
We spent another new year at home in a new place full of cardboard boxes, but this time we included a beautiful growing baby girl. Unlike last year when Max and I drank wine and toasted the new year, my first and last of 2007 until Sophia was born, this year we needed caffeine just to stay awake and watch the ball drop.
I’m learning to juggle life like a working mom. I’ve dropped a few balls, no New-Year’s pun intended, but think I’ll get the hang of it soon. We’re figuring things out one day at a time and we have a fresh year ahead to learn, grow, play and enjoy life for a while - hopefully with a little less stress than in 2007.
Christmas picture - next year we’re doing this at home
Nicole McMullin
December 20, 2007 1:04 PM
(Try humming Jingle Bells while reading below)
Dashing to the mall
In an old Nissan sedan
To the department store we go
To have a Christmas portrait made
The baby fusses and sleeps
Strapped safely in her car seat
What she doesn’t know is that drama awaits as we try to stage a happy Christmas
Oh, Christmas portrait
Obligatory portrait
Next year we’re doing this at home
Sophie’s pulling up her dress
Her hair’s a straight up mess
We’ll be lucky to get one photo
Oh, Christmas portrait
Obligatory portrait
Next year we’re doing this at home
We have a digital camera
We’ll sit her in front of the tree
And perhaps she will truly be happy
SEE MORE PHOTOS
My mother is making more sense
Nicole McMullin
December 12, 2007 6:09 AM
If my daughter’s childhood goes by as fast as the past new months have, then the next time I blink my eyes we’ll be dropping her off at college. My days are a blur of bottles, work, laundry, diapers, easy-to-warm meals and toys that sing little songs. Actually, I’m not even warming all of the meals.
I hear Christmas is sometime in the next few weeks and I am looking forward to that.
My mother has often said that she remembers me being 5 years old, and then I was an adult. I always thought she was exaggerating, but then I was holding Sophia and realized that she has doubled in size and grew into a 3 month old seemingly overnight.
So of the many ways that motherhood has affected my life, it has made sense of my mother. Who knew?
I understand why she is still tired but happy, because while I am seriously considering getting a babysitter one day just so that I can sleep for a while, I still grin at the baby every time she wakes up and is ready to play.
How much should this kid eat?
Nicole McMullin
December 03, 2007 3:28 PM
Eating is an issue at my house. I tend to graze all day, especially at night. My husband likes to save all of his calories for a huge evening meal. So as Sophia is growing and her appetite is increasing, a new layer of drama has been added on top of our normal food issues.
For the most part, my baby girl likes a full bottle in the morning, a solid meal around noon and about four more ounces for a snack later in the day. At night, though, she ranges from a regular bottle and off to bed (with another bottle in the middle of the night) to major cluster feeding that requires more food and more food every hour or so. While the cluster feeding is not a regular issue, it freaks me out when it happens.
Sophie went from the tenth percentile to the seventy-fifth percentile for weight in about six weeks. All I can think about are afternoon talk shows focusing on morbidly obese children and how I do not want my family to end up as guests.
I am assured from most who have chimed in, though, that babies will eat what they need to grow. This means that sometimes they eat more, and sometimes they eat less. The dissenting opinion is my mother who, having dealt with my weight issues as a child, would like me to ensure that Sophia doesn’t develop one more fat cell than she could possibly need.
I checked in with our pediatrician to find out how much my 3 month old should be eating and was told the same thing that I have read online – between 20 – 30 ounces a day is fine. I inquired about adding water to Sophia’s diet (something recommended by the urologist she is seeing) and was told to hold off for a while because at this age the water could decrease her appetite and prevent her from getting the right amount of nutrients needed to grow body and mind.
The final word from the nurse who assists our pediatrician was not to worry about over-feeding Sophia right now. She’s too young for a diet. The pediatrician then added that we could add Pedialyte to her daily intake once she has had at least 24 ounces of formula, though. This is to ensure that Sophia’s kidneys stay flushed since she is still in the testing process to determine what caused her urinary tract infection. And if she is still hungry after eating 32 ounces of formula, we can give her Pedialyte then as well.
Of course, I continue to wish we had been more successful at breast feeding. I think it would take some of the uncertainty out of the process. Although, it would make returning to work and resuming the caffeine intake necessary to do my job nearly impossible. Coffee and espresso make mommy happy, but they are not recommended for baby.
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I’m a downer mom
Nicole McMullin
November 23, 2007 2:58 PM
A lady commented to me recently that this blog is a downer and that my parenting experiences are freaking her out. Sorry.
Perhaps it’s because the good moments swim by and I found myself treading water a good amount of the time. I can only hope the challenges that I have faced so far make me a better mother (I hope), and while there are moments when my new family laughs and plays, I just don’t contemplate the good times as much. I think about them, but not is a “what went wrong” kind of way.
But I will share the good times more in the future. And in the meantime, and in the spirit of my blog posts thus far, I offer this article: How to keep your baby safe: 4 biggest at-home hazards
My first day as a working mom
Nicole McMullin
November 20, 2007 12:51 AM
I packed two bags to leave the house Monday morning. One bag contained my laptop, day planner and to-do lists that are out of date. The other bag was for Sophia who spent the day at her grandparents’ house. It was my first day back at work after ten weeks of maternity leave.
Work was everything that I expected it to be - a lot to get caught up on and somewhat overwhelming. The juices in my brain that have been stagnant for a couple of months started pumping again and I already have plenty of tasks to add to a new fresh to-do list.
But leaving Sophia at 8:30 in the morning was harder than I thought it would be when I planned my return to work.
My in-laws generously offered to watch Sophia for a few weeks while I transition back into my job. This is a blessing because as hard as it was for me to leave her at their house this morning, I imagine it would have been even harder to drive away from a child care center without the baby in the car. I’m not looking forward to that day, which is coming sometime soon. My heart goes out to parents who don’t even have ten weeks to enjoy their newborn.
While I am grateful for the FMLA time I was able to use during my first weeks with Sophia, and the short-term disability benefits my company offers, I can’t help but long to live in California. Or Canada.
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