Nicole’s surreal experience!
Laura Bland
September 15, 2007 11:05 AM
As a guest to Nicole’s blog, I’m happy to report that our intrepid emerging media editor had her baby girl on Wednesday, Sept. 12, at 11:47 p.m.
Sophia Justice Perry was born weighing in at 6 pounds, 6 oz. and was 18 inches long on her birthday. Dad Max advised that Sophia has very pretty gray-blue eyes. Nicole says her new baby is adorable and has hair. “This is so surreal,” our new mom says.
Nicole will be back soon to share more details about Sophia and life after birth.
Having a child a prerequisite for parenthood
Nicole McMullin
September 09, 2007 6:54 PM
Parents come in all ages, sexes, shapes and sizes, yet they have one thing in common – they have a child. Biological or adopted, one they see every day or on the weekends, the common thread is the small person they look after and love.
So as of today, two days after my due date, I am still a parent in waiting. An increasingly large and uncomfortable parent to be.
I should have expected as much. My husband and I could both be described as stubborn at times. Why would I think that our child would show up on the day she is expected? Or for that matter, within a couple of days of her expected due date.
To add to the general frustration that comes along with waiting for labor, I’ve heard predictions from friends and family for the past month as to when they think I will actually deliver my first child.
I hate to say it, but it appears everyone was wrong. The full moon in August came and went, Labor Day weekend (get it, Labor Day) was uneventful and the due date appears to have been a shot in the dark.
So I wait. We wait. Attempting to sleep without disruption and enjoy our last days together as a twosome.
But the event looms and I’m starting to realize that it may be impossible for me to plan or predict too many things for the next 30 years or so.
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No bumper for baby
Nicole McMullin
September 05, 2007 5:01 AM
My modest cradle looks nothing like the gorgeous baby beds pictured in magazines. It’s lovely, but not plush.
All I am using by way of bedding is a simple white cotton sheet. And with bare legs and slats, the cradle is a Victorian nightmare.
After reading a handful of articles and lists throughout my pregnancy, I have questions as to whether or not plush bumper pads and blankets are OK to use in the baby’s bed.
Suffocation is the issue and reading about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and all of the unknowns related to the diagnosis is enough to scare any new parent. Regulating baby’s environment – from what’s in the crib to the temperature in the room – is one thing parents can do, although there appear to be many factors at play. (Learn more about SIDS)
In a list of safe bedding practices for infants found on their Web site, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends removing “pillows, pillow-like bumper pads, quilts, comforters, sheepskins, stuffed toys and other soft products from the crib.”
Another article found on ConsumerReports.org reads “no puffy bumper guards, no stuffed animals, no pillows, no quilts… If you insist on a blanket, keep it at waist height, and tuck the ends firmly under the sides and bottom of the mattress. There should be no loose blankets in your baby’s sleep area.”
If this is the case, why are many infant bedding sets still sold with these items included? And why are advertisers selling a plush and overstuffed image of the ideal nursery?
Am I supposed to buy the full bedding set and just not use the bumper? Will there be a refund for unused pieces of bedding?
Should I be making a list of ten things to do with pretty bumper pads besides using them in the baby’s bed? (They could be sectioned, seamed and used for potholders.)
It’s all a little confusing.
I’m cautious and plan to leave the cradle, and the eventual crib, bare and bumperless.
I even asked my mother-in-law to return the pretty pink bumper pad she purchased for our cradle and plan to stick with a mattress, waterproof mattress pad, sheet and cozy pajamas instead.
And if for some reason a photographer wants to photograph my nursery (read bedroom for the time being), they’ll just have to work with the minimalist look.
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An unplanned water birth
Nicole McMullin
August 30, 2007 12:17 PM
My tummy continues to expand, my due date is near and my co-workers and family are sure I’m going to pop any minute.
They may be right.
For them and for my own sanity, I am trying to remain calm and just work through my to-do lists. I admit that there have been a couple of times over the past few days that the pings and twinges of pregnancy have been more intense, convincing me that the birth day was at hand. But I was wrong and we’re still hanging in here.
So I wonder how Cindy Preisel felt when she went to her job as a cook on a shrimp boat in Texas and ended up going into labor two weeks early while at sea. (Read the article)
My hat goes off to the captain, Ed Keisel, who successfully delivered the baby boy. This really gives a new meaning to having a water birth.
Preparing for parenthood, planning for death
Nicole McMullin
August 27, 2007 4:26 PM
If the ability to laugh and smile, cry and cower all at the same time is an indication of the complex emotions motherhood has in store, then I experienced that joy and pain for the first time last night while writing my will.
I’m not comfortable with the idea of death anyway, but the thought of my death packaged alongside my child’s birth was a little too much to handle.
The truth is that my husband and I should have had wills prepared anyway and it shouldn’t have been something that I had to check off my to-do list before going to the hospital, but we’re amongst the more than half of Americans who do not have wills, according to the American Bar Association.
We own little property so for ease and speed we used a software program and standard forms – a functional fill in the blank endeavor.
Most of the questions were easy. We know our address and full names. If I die, Max can deal with everything. If he dies, I’ll take the reins.
But the arrangements. Funeral arrangements. Where do I want to be buried? I’m supposed to be readying my life for a baby not considering where my shell of a body should rest once my spirit leaves this earth.
But that’s part of the game as well – considering the future, good or bad, and making arrangements.
The hardest realization (biggest cry) was that I would want life to go on. That I would want my husband to remarry and would want my child to know a mother. And if that happens, there will be another family in the future to share a gravesite with.
The silliest moment (biggest laugh) was my husband’s recommendation that I could consider a Viking funeral if I do not want to be buried beneath a solitary headstone in a cemetery for a number of years until someone else dies and can join me there. I could be pushed out to sea in a fiery boat instead. (This may not be a bad idea.)
We decided that the surviving partner could make appropriate arrangements depending on the situation and left it at that. Now all we have to do it sign in front of witnesses and we’ll be finished with wills for a while.
In the meantime, I’ll try to remember that fewer women die in childbirth now than they did 100 years ago (although the rate has increased) and that the will is a precaution. A heart-wrenching, life-affirming precaution.
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The online identity, geek vs. parent debate
Nicole McMullin
August 23, 2007 4:28 PM
I read an article from the Associated Press last night about purchasing domain names and securing e-mail accounts for yet-to-be borns and newborns. I’m undecided as to whether I think it’s a good idea. I’m having a geek vs. parent debate.
The geek in me thinks this is awesome. I checked last night and verified that the name we are leaning towards for our new baby girl is available as a domain and Gmail account. I did not secure either, just checked it out.
The article mentions the importance of an online identity as one of the reasons some parents elect to secure a domain name, e-mail or both for their new little people. I get that, and would toss in professional concerns as well. My husband is an artist and his Web site is his name. It makes it easier professionally than having to explain why his resume is posted at insertcrazynamehere.com.
But the cautious blossoming parent in me considers the downfalls. I’m not sure I want my young child to have a recognizable online identity on Facebook, MySpace or her own Web site. I realize these things are going to happen, but not for a few more years. So in the meantime I’m just sitting on a domain name.
And as the article states, “An easy-to-remember domain also makes a child easier for strangers to find. Chances are one only needs to know a child’s name and add ‘.com.’”
That’s a good point, too.
Yes, the domain’s owner can remain anonymous (also in the article), so I guess the issue is the creepy factor. Who’s looking at my kid’s Web site?
Maybe the answer is not to post my child’s photos on her Web site and turn the URL over to her at a much later date. The site can remain blank until she’s 23 or so, right? There may be a need to use if before her early 20s, but hopefully by then I’ll have more parenting skills and will figure out how best to proceed.
Snatching up an email account in her name doesn’t bother me as much as I am sure she will need e-mail in elementary school. I just hope that spam filters impove dramatically in the coming years, otherwise I’ll have to check her e-mail for her regardless of the name on the account.
And in the meantime, I can just post her photos and information in this blog, in my LiveJournal and on my family’s Web site.
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Updated pre mommy to-do list
Nicole McMullin
August 22, 2007 4:25 PM
I’ve checked a few things off of my to-do list, but have a feeling I’ll add a few more before this becomes a new mommy to-do list.
I also decided not to use a doula. I think it’s a great idea, but am somewhat pressed for time and cash and need to get the essentials out of the way. I’ll just have to spend the next couple of weeks working with my hubby on ways that he can be supportive. I think he’s up to the task. We’ll both just have to work on not freaking out.
Install the car seats in both cars (The car seat bases are in the cars, they just need to be installed).
Move my home and set up the nursery (see below).
Sell my condo in Alexandria.
Check in with my health insurance provider; verify that all is well with my coverage and begin panicking about the bills.
Create a will (I purchased a software program that will help me take care of this at home).
Find local new parent groups to meet up with while I am on maternity leave, and hopefully on the weekends and evenings once I return to work.
Pick songs for baby’s first playlist (I’ve picked a few, but need more).
Select a pediatrician for baby girl.
Birth plan, first draft
Nicole McMullin
August 22, 2007 2:50 PM
Creating a birth plan proved time-consuming and thought provoking. I didn’t expect this to be the case.
After months of consuming information from a number of sources, I thought I could quickly list what I wanted to happen during labor and delivery.
I want some drugs, but not too many. I want to bond with my baby immediately. I want the experience to be as peaceful and memorable as possible.
But there’s more to it than that.
I visited a handful of Web sites and checked out sample birth plans. I finally selected two sites, mjbovo.com and childbirth.org, completed the online forms and emailed myself two plans. I then merged the two together into a customized birth plan that includes everything that I think my family and the hospital staff will need to know.
I am sure the physicians and nurses have seen it all before, and my one-of-a kind plan is probably just a dime a dozen. But creating it helped me organize my thoughts and the information I accumulated during pregnancy.
Loss of control - of myself and my decisions - is frightening and having the plan is reassuring. I can print it out, highlight certain points that I want my husband to note, and others that will be important to his parents and my mother, and hand it out to my hospital entourage.
I can revise it, share it with friends and in general attempt to exercise some control over this time in my life. And at this point, when my due date looms but could come at any time, control is a good thing.
A couple of readers have already commented about birth plans in general and I would like more feedback. Let me know what I am leaving out, and what’s unreasonable.
CLICK READ MORE TO CHECK OUT MY BIRTH PLAN
Birth plan for Nicole McMullin
Due date - September 7, 2007
Labor coach/partner - Husband
Physician – Physicians & Midwives
Pediatrician – (TBD)
INTENT
The purpose of this birth plan is to outline my preferences for labor and delivery. I recognize that emergency situations may arise and additional procedures may be necessary, but I hope to follow the plan in a non-emergency situation. Please keep me informed in regards to options not listed below, but allow me the opportunity to decide which medications and procedures I want to receive.
VISITORS
No one other than my husband else should be allowed in the room during delivery. My mother may visit during labor.
MEDICATION
I plan to use a low-dose epidural (walking epidural) during labor and delivery and it can be offered to me at the appropriate time.
DURING LABOR I WOULD LIKE TO:
Maintain mobility
Walk and use various natural pain relief techniques, including showering massage, relaxation techniques, various positions, etc.
Use intermittent fetal monitoring
Eat and drink clear fluids and ice chips
Wear my own clothes, as opposed to a hospital gown
THE ROOM I AM LABORING IN SHOULD:
Have the lighting lowered
Not be available to unnecessary visitors and hospital staff
Remain as peaceful as possible, no television or music unless requested by me
INDUCTION & AUGMENTATION
I do not want to be induced and prefer to use natural methods to start labor.
I would prefer to walk to speed labor.
Please prolong the length of labor if progress is being made.
VAGINAL DELIVERY
My husband will be in the delivery room.
I do not want an episiotomy, but please use compresses, massage and positioning to prevent or ease tearing.
I prefer not to use stirrups. Foot pedals and people supporting my legs would be best.
Please prolong the length of delivery if progress is being made.
Please calmly direct my pushing/bearing down.
Do not use forceps.
My husband should cut the cord.
AFTER VAGINAL DELIVERY
The baby should be placed on my chest immediately. No bathing.
I plan to breast feed immediately
I plan to breast feed only, no pacifiers or glucose water.
There should be no unnecessary separation of mother and baby.
Tests should be performed while I am holding the baby and bonding.
Allow time for bonding before eye ointment and vitamin K are administered.
IN THE EVENT OF A CESAREAN DELIVERY
My husband should be in the delivery room, behind the curtain with me.
My husband should cut the cord.
My husband should be handed the baby in the delivery room and we should be given time to bond with the baby while the
procedure is completed.
AFTER CESAREAN DELIVERY
The baby should be placed on my chest immediately. No bathing.
I plan to breast feed as soon as possible in the recovery room.
I plan to breast feed only, no pacifiers or glucose water.
Tests should be performed while I am holding the baby and bonding.
Allow time for bonding before eye ointment and vitamin K are administered.
IN THE EVENT OF A SICK BABY
The father should stay with the baby at all times.
If the baby is transported to another facility, move us as soon as possible.
I would like to breast feed as soon as possible.
There should be unlimited visitation for parents.
We would like to handle the baby as much as possible.
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My first LLL meeting and bathroom breastfeeding
Nicole McMullin
August 18, 2007 11:04 PM
Breastfeeding bookmarked my day on Friday, and it wasn’t completely planned.
I knew it would be a baby-filled day with a La Leche League meeting in the morning, an ultrasound in the afternoon followed by a weekly check-up at the doctor’s office, but the surprise came at a Thai restaurant later in the evening. The young mother breastfeeding in a bathroom stall offered a glimpse of events to come.
Nutrition during breastfeeding was the topic at the morning La Leche League meeting in Alexandria. The meeting was excellent – I arrived with nutrition-related questions and left with answers. Plus, it was good to spend an hour with a group of moms and their kids.
This was my first LLL meeting and it was mostly what I expected – an open discussion about breastfeeding-related topics with a little random mom talk thrown in. A guest leader directed the conversation around nutrition, but for the most part the discussion was open and mothers shared their stories, fed their babies and seemed to enjoy an hour of camaraderie.
Driving to Moe’s for a burrito after the meeting, I spent some time thinking about my exposure to children up to this point. I am an only child and I don’t have close family members with children. Amongst my close friends, I am the first to take the parenthood plunge. So most of my interactions with children take place in public places such as restaurants and grocery stores – neither are ideal locations to get a good understanding of how children behave.
At the LLL meeting – held in a church nursery filled with toys, happy moms and a snack – the kids were alright. In fact, they were downright enjoyable. I look forward to the next meeting when I can bring a little one along as well.
I still have some general how-to and what-if questions about breastfeeding that I need answered, and plan to check in with a lactation consultant and a LLL leader in the coming days.
Fast forward through Friday, through a standard ultrasound and a missed doctor’s appointment (I love Northern Virginia traffic!), and my husband and I had just finished dinner at a Thai restaurant when I excused myself to the ladies room. There were two stalls.
One stall was in need of repair, the other was occupied. So I waited. And waited some more.
I could see two feet under the occupied stall but witnessed no movement and heard nothing. I started to wonder what was going on in there. Should I knock, was everything OK?
Another lady entered the restroom. I explained that one stall was broken and she stood behind me in the beginning of a line. At this point, the young woman occupying the stall emerged with a tiny infant held close to her chest.
She explained that she was just in there breastfeeding and that we could go ahead and use the restroom. The other woman in line and I offered to bring a chair into the bathroom, but she insisted that they operate this way all of the time and that she was fine standing beside the bathroom sink feeding her infant son.
I would have wanted a chair and am taking this opportunity to say now that in the future, I want a chair.
But more importantly, the brief bathroom breastfeeding experience exposed me to a side of motherhood that I haven’t given much thought. When I think about my first weeks with a new baby, I think about moments at home and time with friends and family. I haven’t once thought about having to hide in the bathroom in order to feed my daughter.
And while I know that breastfeeding in public is not 100 percent acceptable, Friday was the first time I have come face to face with someone who sought refuge in the bathroom. I wondered why she was in there (I didn’t ask) instead of pulling out a shawl or blanket and feeding at the table, disapproving looks from strangers or not. Was her comfort level the reason she decided to spend a portion of her dinner in the bathroom stall? Were there disapproving looks?
(Maybe she wasn’t even eating there, but just using the bathroom?)
I don’t have a complete plan for myself yet, and know that I will have to walk in those shoes before I know what my comfort level and response will be, but I wonder how many bathroom stalls I’ll spend time in bonding with and feeding my daughter.
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Certified parents
Nicole McMullin
August 15, 2007 5:09 PM
My husband and I became certified parents last week.
The certificate, handed to us at the end of our last parenting class held at the hospital where we plan to deliver our fist child, verifies that we have “completed a course of instruction.”
That’s it. So we’re still freaked out.
And as my September 7 due date approaches, I am trying to mentally close the book on my pregnancy and prepare for my new role as mother to a baby girl.
Our goal in taking the class was to learn more about what to expect at the hospital during delivery and pick up a few basics we can use at home in the days that follow.
During the class, we watched videos confirming that the miracle of birth resembles a science fiction film and were told which door to use should I go into labor at 3 a.m.
The class was helpful and I am more confident about laboring and giving birth, but I still have a lot to learn about the days that follow.
It’s a joke that’s made too often, but seriously, they’re just going to give me the baby and send me home?
My mother lived less than a mile from her sister, mother and grandmother when she was a new parent. There were plenty of helping hands, wisdom and opinions (for better or for worse). I left home more than a decade ago and am relying on books, podcasts and the experiences of co-workers and strangers to get me through.
And I keep hearing about mother’s intuition. I’m hoping that kicks in and I can rely on it, too.
But I am running out of time to ponder the large issues of motherhood and need to get down the basics. At 36 weeks and counting, it’s time to wrap up my pregnancy and move forward into motherhood - ready or not.
At some moments I think that our baby girl cannot arrive fast enough. Pregnancy was cute for a few months, but it’s been hot and humid this summer and my feet have resembled swollen potatoes since June. I long to walk without waddling. I am tired of sandals that make noise.
Plus, my friends and family showered us with adorable gifts that I can’t wait to use.
But I feel as much joy as fear when I think about the days, and years, that lie ahead. I have a lot to learn. Mistakes will be made - and I foresee a future full of never completed to-do lists.
Almost a mommy to-do list
Find a lactation consultant who will come to the hospital and my house.
Write a birthing plan. Make copies. Attempt to organize and micromanage the birthing process.
Pack a bag for the hospital.
Install car seat.
Move and set up the nursery (see below).
Sell my condo.
Check in with my health insurance provider; verify that all is well with my coverage and begin panicking about the bills.
Create a will.
Find local new parent groups to meet up with while I am on maternity leave, and hopefully on the weekends and evenings once I return to work.
Pick songs for baby’s first playlist.
Still deciding
Am I going to hire a doula?
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