There is a manual for parenthood – but it’s for assembling the chairs, beds, car seats and toys of the day.
Installing the bases for Sophia’s car seat was nearly impossible. Even though we’re not planning to have another child any time soon, I may just leave the bases in our cars indefinitely - just in case. And although I have reviewed the directions, I still cannot get the back portion of the stroller to raise up and stay in place.
Assembling the crib (yes, the one that I am not yet using) was even more challenging. It has to be right – the gate must be installed and operating correctly (there were recalls last year) – but the directions were incorrect.
It took two adults with master’s degrees, a graduate student and a lowly journalist (that would be me) to get the crib together. Before it was complete the bed was turned on its side, upside down and around 180 degrees during our group attempt at assembly.
Luckily, plastic toys are made from plastic because they seem to only work when you pull, tug and push the pieces into place.
Today, my in-laws purchased Baby Girl an exerciser/walker to keep at their house. Grandpa, who has a track record of successfully following directions and completing tasks, could only comment that it took him a long time to put the new toy together, and that it would have been better if he were an engineer.
With that in mind, maybe I will pursue a graduate degree in childhood engineering with a specialty in assembling products under duress (like when it’s raining and the car seat base has come loose, or when the bouncy chair is the only foreseeable way to stop Sophia’s crying, but I have to figure out how to get new batteries in the seat).
I was considering pursuing a MFA in multimedia production, but my skill set has expanded and I really think I need to make use of my fine-tuned toy, car seat and bouncy chair assembly skills.
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